I am an introvert and I believe we are a real blessing to have around
While being outgoing is celebrated being quiet and a thinker really isn’t but that’s okay. When you have self-confidence you learn how to accept and love yourself exactly as you are. When I didn’t have self-confidence I used to think the thing to do was to become like the bubbly people out there!
A few days ago after writing the blog post – are you shy or just an introvert? – I really became inspired about everything introvert related. I had never really made the distinction between being an introvert and being shy, I always thought they were part of the same ‘problem’ but as it turns out they are not. Being an introvert does not automatically mean you are shy.
I was so inspired I began to write down some of the different things about us introverts and it turned into this free eBook that I wrote yesterday and am putting up today. Below are some of the 101 things about being an introvert that you might like to know – either because you think you are one or you are an extrovert who lives/works with one who you never quite get!
101 Things To Know About Being An Introvert
Extroverts. Still waters run deep. Make the time to get to know an introvert. You may be surprised by what you find and how much fun they are.
Being an introvert can be a label that we hide behind. Almost as if there is no hope for us. Be careful not to let it stop you from enjoying life.
When describing an introvert it is popular (and accurate) to say we are energised when we are alone and drained when we are with people for long lengths. A weekend training seminar is a nightmare for me so I use lunchtimes and breaks to recharge, which of course can isolate me from the group. Learning how to balance alone time and connecting with others is essential.
If we say we want to be alone it doesn’t mean you have to leave. Most times it just means we need time with our own thoughts.
We can work great with extroverts if they will only be quiet long enough to give us some time to think!
Don’t take our lack of excitement as a lack of interest. That isn’t the case. We just don’t feel the need to jump up and down with joy when you share your idea.
In social situations we may not have much to say but most of the time what we do say matters.
I have been called “aloof”, “too serious”, “boring” “loner”, “withdrawn” and a bunch of other words. We are definitely not celebrated in a world of “warm, vibrant” extroverts and if we can’t celebrate ourselves why should we expect others to do so.
I know myself to be an introvert who is self-reliant, independent, reflective and sensitive. That’s something to celebrate.
Wearing a “mask” where you pretend to be an outgoing bubbly popular type is exhausting if you are an introvert. Learn how to relate to people without having to pretend to be something you are not.
When asked a question people expect a quick response. If you can’t give them one just look at them and say “give me five minutes to think this through will you?” and let them wait.
When I date extrovert men they interpret my quiet nature as me not having fun. One guy believed when we first met that I didn’t like him because I was so quiet. Now I actually tell men if I go quiet its mainly because I am having such a great time!
We may not be comfortable at being on stage in front of a thousand people but we are brilliant at organising it all.
Extroverts. An introvert may see you as “pushy”, “arrogant”, “bossy” – don’t take it personally, it says more about them than it does you!
Introverts are not easily impressed so talking about how many of the latest gadgets you have won’t engage us in conversation and we may even appear a little aloof. No we are not jealous. Just not interested.
Extroverts. Learning how to communicate with an introvert will save you hours of frustration and vice versa.
I have never dated an introvert man. When asked how come the only explanation I could think of is that I am a little old fashioned and like men to approach me. I don’t chase men. So I guess finding myself a great introvert will only be possible if I change that view.
Some of us are predisposed to want to look before we leap so if you need a decision made about a project make sure you allow time.
Introverts have been an amazing contribution to the world – just look at Mother Theresa and Ghandi.
We are a misunderstood group us introverts and we can use that as an excuse to limit our own potential. Once you are old enough to understand your personality you are old enough to learn how to manage it.
It’s really okay to be you – you are not weird!
If you stay true to yourself you will never end up dancing on tables but you will know how to have a great time.
Like it or not you are going to have to learn how to handle confrontation. Learn how to be more assertive.
You are a deep thinker and deep thinkers have the potential to change the world. That’s something worth celebrating.
Things don’t always have to be perfect. Give up perfectionism and embrace “good enough is good” – it will help you learn to relax a little.
We may not thrive well in teams but we absolutely can contribute. Introverts who are given the space to say what they think and given time to think about what they have to say make great team players.
Pretending to be an extrovert is not the answer.
I have been an introvert without confidence/shy and I am now an introvert who is okay with taking part and joining in. It is possible to move from one to another.
Stop apologising about who you are. I used to do this a lot “sorry, I’m shy…” or “sorry, I’m an introvert…” as if it was something to be sorry about.
People will accept you or they won’t – that’s their choice. Learn to be okay with it because it says very little about you and more about them as a person.
Learn how to ask for what you want. Life is easier when you can do that.
You are or have the potential to be a great listener – in a world full of talkers that is something to celebrate.
If you have spent most of your life telling yourself you are shy maybe it is time to end that inner conversation. If you are not uncomfortable talking to people but you never say much then you might just be an introvert but you are not shy. If you are uncomfortable then you need to work on your own personal development.
Treat your introvert child with respect and teach them that it is okay to be who they are. Show them how to celebrate being themselves by being a great example for them to follow.
If anyone complains about your child being “quiet” or a “loner” don’t get defensive or upset about it. Take 5-7 points from this blog post and remember them well – then repeat them to that person why being an introvert is a great way to be.
Learn how to adapt so you can be more open because life really is more fun.
Take time out for yourself and don’t ever feel guilty about it. There is nothing wrong with it and we get our best insights when we spend time in solitude.
The film “The Sixth Sense” provided a great insight into a sensitive, intuitive, loving, wonderful, misunderstood introvert who “sees dead people” – putting that aside for one second think about the actor who played the young boy. That is a great portrayal of an introvert child. While yours may not see dead people they are happy in their own world.
Becoming an extrovert is not the ‘antidote’ to being okay with yourself. Being able to have fun and be around people, while also being happy to be alone and with your own thoughts is a much better way to tackle it.
When I first started building my self confidence I thought I had to become an extravert (or at least pretend) and I trained to become a teacher of adult education. As I hated people looking at me I figured if I put myself in front of people I will have to “get over it” – this is a little like throwing a non-swimmer into water and shouting “swim!” – it works but it is not always the best or easiest way to go about things.
Being an introvert shouldn’t stop you from becoming famous. Famous introverts include Clint Eastwood, Meryl Streep, and Laurence Fishburne.
Personal growth is your friend. The more you learn about yourself the more you will learn to love who you are.
You are sensitive and that’s okay. Just learn how to take constructive feedback and see it as a chance to be a better person.
The silent and moody treatment when you don’t get your own way or you don’t get your needs met is more of a turnoff than a turn on so learn how to assertively express yourself so you can say what you want to say.
Let go of all your grudges. Holding a grudge says more about you than it does the other person. They have probably forgotten about it already. If something upset you let the person know.
We don’t often get seen as happy people but we have the potential to be. Spend time thinking about what makes you happy and do more of it.
Don’t be intimidated by extroverts – they have their own set of issues.
Take yourself out of your comfort zone and do things that challenge you like organise an event or start a group.
We are more likely to be on the honor roll than on the cheer leading squad – be okay with that.
Being away from the group helps us feel a sense of security. Give us that space to not have lunch with our team members without making it mean we are not a ‘team player’.
Be polite. Be assertive. Ask that colleague that stops you from working to just BE QUIET! (respectfully)
The fact that I don’t talk to you is NOT because I consider myself too good to talk to you. It is because I don’t know how and/or I need time to get to know you.
Believe it or not introverts we do intimidate people sometimes with our quiet, thinking ways. They see it as us being snobby and arrogant but that has more to do with them than us. Don’t let that change who you are.
Two introverts in love can stay in all the time, watch movies and have fun together but at some point its also nice to look up and see what’s happening in the world around you. Don’t allow your love of alone time to cut you off from the world.
Extroverts stop judging us. Stop imposing your expectations of how we should behave upon us. Introverts learn to ignore what others expect of you and stop letting it get to you.
We don’t need extroverts to adjust their thinking about who we are. We need to embrace who we are so they can see we have adjusted our thinking. Only then can things change.
It is not rejection if someone says no. They have just said no – deal with it and be okay with it.
It is not rejection if you say no to someone. You are just saying no – learn how to be able to say no to people and be okay with it.
In a group conversation it is highly likely that an introvert is sitting there with a lot to say but they are saying it in their head. They are thinking about how they will respond. Introvert – say those thoughts out loud so you can contribute to the group.
Being an introvert is an inside job. Everything we do comes from the inside out. When you learn how to use that for your own personal growth you will experience real love and affection for yourself. When you don’t you experience an inner prison that will keep you stuck.
Chances are there is something you want to share with the world either through words, paint or music. Let it out – people are waiting. It took me 35 years to finally say “what the hell” and promote my first eBook. Now I have written a few of them.
Some people will love what you do and others will hate it. That is a natural part of life for everyone who chooses to share their work with the world (or even their friends and family) – it is really easy to hide it rather than risk being the subject of negative criticism but then you “die with the music still inside you” – let it out, set it free, in the process you free yourself.
If you find being around extroverts at work a daily source of stress for you then learn how to manage that. Let them know you need to take yourself away for your own piece of mind and sanity. Its not them… its you (people love that one!)
Stop blaming the extrovert for your feelings of “tension” – no one can make you feel inferior or bad about yourself unless you let them. Recognise it is not about what the other person is doing but the meaning you assign to what was done.
Pretending to be chatty and talk more really isn’t necessary in social situations no matter what anyone says.
Extroverts do NOT have to modify their behaviour. You need to stop thinking that you’re life will be okay if an extrovert will only learn to “get” you – here’s the news – they may never get us. Be okay with that and learn how to manage what people do so it doesn’t have such a traumatic effect on you.
Are you sure you sent that email or left that important phone message? Some of us have a habit of being so much in our own world that we think about our responses to emails and we say them to ourselves but we actually forget to write it out and send it! Learn how to be in the present moment and get things done.
If like me you have spent years walking away from a conversation only to think “if only I had said that” give yourself a break. Either you will learn to contribute to a discussion as it happens (and it is worth learning how) or you won’t but continually going over what you coulda, woulda, shoulda said or done is futile.
We are passionate people when you engage us in conversations about topics or things we love. Introverts be willing to share more about your passions. If you are looking to get to know more about an introvert find out if they have a passion and give them the space to talk freely about it.
If you are tired of hearing that there is something wrong with us simply because we are introverts then give up thinking there is something wrong with you simply because you are an introvert.
Never let anyone tell you they know how you need to behave.
This may come of somewhat of a relief for you to know but you are not alone. There are millions of us out there who all fall under the banner of being an “introvert” – you really are normal.
Introverts can be seen as the biggest oxymoron around because we want to be alone but we love you and want you with us.
Don’t take the weight of the world on to your shoulders – sometimes life just doesn’t work out the way we want it to. Keep going and try again.
Loosen up and don’t take yourself so seriously all the time.
Extraverts are NOT happier than introverts. Both can find themselves living a happy or unhappy life based on the choices they make.
It is easy to over compensate at parties and become the “smart girl” or the “funny girl” – next time you go to a party try just being “the girl” and see how people deal with it.
To an extrovert with a lack of self confidence you are an easy target. They will put you down and make fun of you so they can feel better about themselves. That says more about them than it does you.
Introverts will resist doing new things and putting themselves into certain situations but when pushed by their extravert friends/partners to do it they love it. That is one of the frustrating things about knowing introverts!
The world needs balance to keep going. Hot and cold, dark and light, introverts and extroverts. Let’s stop loving one over another – it is like favouring one child over another. We both have our qualities and life is far more interesting when we are both allowed to express them.
Stop thinking there is no such thing as a shy extrovert because there is – being an introvert has nothing to do with being shy (hopefully you understand that now) and everything to do with how we relate to people and where our energy comes from.
Introverts aren’t unhappy because they are forced to live in an extroverts world but it can be used as a great excuse for keeping yourself unhappy. Neither are introverts unhappy because extraverts force us into feeling bad about ourselves. If you are saying stuff like that it is time to stop with the excuses. No one can make you feel inferior unless you allow them to – learn how to feel great about being you.
Only extroverts are successful. Seriously? If you believe that get a grip. Look up famous introverts online and I think you will find there are plenty of them out there.
Introverts. You do have some extrovert in you and it doesn’t always have to come out as a result of too much alcohol! Learn how to embrace the extrovert in you and enjoy expressing that from time to time.
So, there you have it. 101 things you need to know whether you are an introvert or you know one.
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If you are looking for help and support to pursue your dream and you need the self-confidence to start remember this site contains my eBook on that very topic. Click the link to get your copy of “Feel and Rebuild Self-Confidence”