All of us have a “voice” within us that talks to us every single day. It decides what we are going to wear, it makes comments about the things we say and what other people say to us, it empowers and/or it tears us down.
Your self talk or inner voice has been created based on our past experiences and will have a major impact on your self confidence. Even the experiences we think we have forgotten about, or we don’t think about on a daily basis are buried deep within us. This inner voice that constantly speaks within you will be repeating those original events and messages to you daily.
When you spend time building your self confidence you can get to a place where your inner voice has very little control over you, it will be positive and reassuring the majority of the time, and you will be able to dismiss any negative messages. For people with low self esteem your inner voice will be your own worst enemy, your saboteur and critic, constantly belittling your efforts, punishing you for the mistakes you make and criticizing whatever goes wrong.
Have you ever found yourself struggling with something that you really want to achieve but you keep talking yourself out of? Do you ever find yourself berating yourself for something that you’ve done? That’s your inner voice.
If you are struggling with doing what you really want to in life check out what your inner voice is saying to you. Maybe it’s letting you know that there is no way you can achieve something. Is it telling you not to take the risk of starting your own business because you will fail?
The best way to change the messages that your inner voice is throwing at you is to find things you have accomplished, no matter how small, almost as a counter argument. Yes but…. You can tell it, and then remind yourself of that achievement of yours.
Ultimately, this is your voice, it’s in your head, so you have complete control over it and that’s the thing you need to remember. It’s time to take back control of your inner voice. When I first started I would use foul language and tell it to “shut the f**k up!” I think using what I saw as an extreme word shook me out of my pattern and made me stop. An alternative is just to thank it for sharing….. “thank you for sharing that… and I am going to choose to ignore you”
It is time to let your inner voice know who is in charge…. YOU! You have complete control always remember that. After all it is your voice so talk back to your inner voice in whatever way works for you, this is the way to combat it and let it know who is really in charge.
Spend time making notes about the kind of inner voice you have, does it tend to be unfairly harsh and say things like
“Everyone said they loved what you cooked, but it wasn’t as good as when your mum cooks and they were probably just being nice because let’s face it you burnt the dessert and didn’t cook enough for everyone”
Just thank your inner voice for sharing its opinion and suggest a positive statement like
“Wow! I did really well today cooking that meal, there were parts of it I can improve on but I managed to serve the food while it was hot, and everyone enjoyed being together, we had fun. I am really proud of what I managed to get done today”
If your inner voice is a dramatic generalizing voice that tends to exaggerate:
“You really messed up your part in the play, EVERYONE was laughing at you and NO ONE will EVER forget it, I will NEVER be able to show my face again”
Get specific with it to put it in its place:
“Okay so I forgot my lines during the play but it’s only one play, everyone will soon forget about it. I just need to spend some time looking over my lines again for tomorrow. I will make sure my performance really improves”
Begin to recognize what your inner voice is saying and why, counteract whatever it tells you that is negative with a positive statement or promise. Many times whatever it is saying is simply not true, so find why you might want to say that about yourself and what you may be protecting yourself from.
Using positive statements and self-talk often will train your unconscious mind to change what you believe about yourself and support you in improving your self-esteem.
Give yourself time to really immerse yourself in positive statements and to make them a natural part of your life because it will really help you build self confidence. This is a journey, not a quick fix and you will need the patience to keep affirming yourself when your inner voice decides to do otherwise.
