For women going through the change (NO not THAT change!) here’s what you need to succeed
At the peak of hating my life I knew I had to do something, I knew I wanted things to be different and the only way that it was going to happen was if I made a change. Now as I look back I can absolutely say that I successfully made a change – my life was going one way and I completely turned it around. What way was my life going? Well you know those beliefs we are all raised with…
Go to school, get an education, get a job, work your job, get married, have children, save a pension, retire, die….
Somewhere along the have children and save a pension part I realised I wanted life to be different. My parents believed that you found a job and stuck with it (even if you hated it because you have no choice), built your pension until it was time to retire. Then in the 80s the new mindset of the decade told us that we could achieve far more, reach for more, expect more and being a working class woman was no reason not to get there (one thing we can thank Maggie Thatcher for!)
I wanted out of the ‘rat race’ – I wanted out of being compliant and believing there was only one way to live life and I found it for myself by changing my life. By being willing to commit my time and energy into taking a new direction. 
So today, my focus is on what it took for me to change my life from a married mother who hated her life, job and relationship to being a woman who loves who she is, who enjoys her life now 110% more than she ever did in the past and who (in less than 4 years now) will be living her dream of traveling the world and spending months living in different countries while speaking/writing/blogging. The only piece left to sort out right now is finances!
I call this technique S.S.S.S.H!
STORY
Understand My Story- I am going to be writing more about using your story (your past) to influence your present and develop your future. It is a powerful part of your life. Lucky for me I always kept a journal (a folder with pieces of paper in it!) and so I was able to read back over everything and see how my story had influenced how I got to where I am now.
For example the birth of all three of my children hailed a new direction in life for me starting with my eldest. When my daughter was born I decided I no longer wanted to live this shy and fearful existence. I had no idea who I was and developed my whole life around what I believed people expected of me. When she was a few days old an event took place that made me think “ENOUGH” and my self confidence journey began. That was 20 years ago and a lot has happened since then but this is where my life began to change.
Can you point out the event that made you say “ENOUGH” or that started you thinking about building your self confidence? It will be more important than you think in dictating what happens next in your life.
STATE
Change My State – I was miserable a lot of the time. Sometimes I wonder how anyone put up with me! When I was up and life was great I was a joy to be around but when things were down and I wasn’t feeling at my best nothing or no one could help me. An important part of taking myself through neuro linguistic programming (NLP) was really to help myself rather than other people. I studied the Master level of NLP so I could help others and something important I was taught is that we all have moods and at any given moment we can change them. Literally within seconds – we can go from upset to happy within seconds. Think about those “you’ve been punked” shows where people are put through an experience and are annoyed or frustrated. Suddenly they are told it is all a joke and the cameras are on them and instantly their state changes. They laugh, they swear (playfully) at whoever set them up. Things turn around within seconds and that is how it can be with you when you learn how to change your state of mind and moods.
Right now it may feel as if you can’t help yourself but I encourage you to write an affirmation that will help you reverse that way of thinking because you have complete control over your life and your emotions. You get to choose how you feel at any given moment and the sooner you take responsibility and own that the quicker your life will change. As long as you believe other people have an influence over your emotional state you remain powerless. To become power-full simply accept and acknowledge that this isn’t true and affirm that you are ready to take back control of your life and emotions. I explain that in this video)
You no longer have to allow other people’s words and actions to keep you in a limited state of mind – this may take time to work with and understand or you may instantly understand this and use it to help empower yourself. My job is to plant the seed so you can begin to look into taking back control of your state.
SELF CONFIDENCE
Build my self confidence. From making decisions to changing your life self confidence and your belief in yourself will influence it all. You need to work on increasing your self confidence and believing in yourself if you are going to make a change. This whole blog is filled with blog posts about why building self confidence is the best gift you can give yourself so there isn’t much more to say here.
Breaking free of no self confidence
Inner conflicts that can stop you
You can also take a look at my self confidence handbook for blog posts on this topic.
STEP FORWARD
It is time to start by taking the first step. Once you have some idea about your story (you don’t need to understand it fully) and you begin working on changing your current state of mind as well as building self confidence the next thing you need to do is get started on your journey. You need to take action, make a move, choose to do something, decide on where to go … whatever you want to call it you must take the first step.
It really doesn’t matter how small a step it is. You might decide to buy a book or borrow a CD from a friend. Whatever it is, no matter how small, show your commitment by taking a step towards what you want to change. Stop talking and start DOING! If you think you might need help make finding help your first step…
Read this blog post and allow this to be your first step
Build self confidence using this four step process
At least you can say you got started 
– once you have read that (feel free to leave a comment) what is your second step?
HELP
How will I help myself get started. With awareness of wanting to change come questions about how to make it happen. There are several ways you can help yourself by investing in quality self development products that will help you. You can also get help in the form of a trusted friend or seek the professional help of a life coach. When you use a professional you gain strides quicker because you don’t have to figure it out yourself – your life coach will have the ability to support you in changing your life.
I call this technique S.S.S.S.H! because when you go through it you need to keep it to yourself as much as possible (unless you seek out a trusted friend as mentioned) and that is because this is a delicate stage and you may be easily influenced to not bother change your life by people who know you right now. They don’t mean to limit you it’s just that they don’t want you to grow stronger and change the status quo. Until you grow stronger and you are able to release the words of people who say “why are you bothering with all of that crap!” – keep it to yourself.
I also call this technique S.S.S.S.H! because a lot of the work that you do requires that you stop and listen to yourself, you seek the answers to the change you want from within. This really is a time of self reflection and looking at what’s next – these are things that shouldn’t be talked about with others but should be thought through and expressed only in your journal.
Is it your time to go through the change or are you already going through the change of rearranging your life for the better? How can I help you with that right now?
About Diane Corriette
I write on this self development blog about building self confidence, and living a life of full self expression where you are free to be you. Being able to be confident is not so much about how you think but what you feel. To successfully build self confidence you must use your thoughts to create an image of who you want to be, and your emotions to help you feel this amazing new you and then visualise & focus on it until it becomes your reality.
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yes, yes, yes, 2012 is my time to go through the change. There is so much to change sometimes I wonder which one to tackle first!
A wonderful post for the new year indeed! Thank you!
My change started back in april 2011 and has not been a very straight forward or easy journey. Loads of introspection and pain. I know it will be worth it if I keep going
I appreciate reading blog posts like this – it helps me focus on what to do next. I can see I need to do more work on my state of mind
@Alison. I always found taking the smallest step and successfully completing that helped me. Tackling something huge just made me feel as if it was too overwhelming. As long as you focus on taking on one thing you want to change and starting with it you have made a start. It is making a start that usually stops people! Good luck.
@Joan. Thank you. Happy New Year to you
@Toni. 12-24 months from now when you look back you will be able to see how much progress you have made. Keep a journal and find things to help you through the tough times. Music is always my favourite. Find what works for you.
I sent this to a friend who only yesterday was saying she wants to make a few changes in 2012! I guess the beginning of the year gets us all reflecting on what’s next.
I made a change of job a couple of years ago and while it was a hard process to go through I am so glad I did it.
Change is good. I don’t always like it when it is happening but I am learning to embrace it more.
I am still working on making affirmations a bigger part of my life. I think they will help me calm down a little when I get myself into a negative state.
@Sue. Changing jobs can be a big deal – especially if you have been in once place for a long time. Good for you for making the change. I hope your friend finds it useful.
@Aisah. The ability to embrace and flow with change rather than fight it is a great skill to have. Change always happens and it can be less painful if we don’t resist.
@Mia. Keep at it. Once you learn how to write them in the positive and focusing on the first or second person they can help. At the beginning I found it better to say them in the second person because I believed it more than if I said it in the first. Crazy I know but it worked for me.
It bothered me at first, the sudden need for me to explain my life, or not, it just made me uncomfortable in my own home.