If being 45 has taught me anything it is this – time sure does fly! My twenties were spent too shy and too fearful to really live life in any kind of meaningful way. My thirties were spent overcoming my shyness and having babies and now here I am in my mid forties and I wanted to look at how my story – my life – has shaped what I am experiencing right now.
As a personal growth exercise and as you work towards building self confidence I encourage you to do the same. Write your story that involves your past. Your childhood and teens. Write your story in your 20-30s then your story in your 40s- whatever age you are. You will find a pattern. You will find that there are things you run away from, things you are great at doing, things you did that you were never even conscious of. This is the power that comes from writing a personal journal – it is all there written down for you to see and share.
“Keep a journal of your thoughts and experiences. This is a way to keep your mind clear while you are evolving to solidify your thoughts. Writing lays before you what is hard to capture in thought. When you can read your thoughts you find the realities, as well as the inconsistencies. Above all, writing is a release. You can release and clear your mind to receive new and improved information, which will aid in your growth.” Source: Tapping The Power Within by Iyanla Vanzant
When you write your story out it will tell you why your life is the way it is now. Based on the decisions and events of your past you will be able to understand your present and if you are not impressed with what it shows you, you will be able to take action to change your future. Based on everything I have been writing in my journal about over the last eight years (2005-2012) here is an extract about the way my life looks right now and where I will be focusing my attention over the next few years.
Travel is a big desire. Knowing there is a world out there excites me into wanting to see it all and I have a long list of places just waiting to be explored. Slowly but surely I am traveling more than I ever have in the previous two decades.
Aging parents take priority. Most of us have a deep love and appreciation for everything our parents did for us and so looking after them as they age isn’t even an issue – it just automatically happens – but it does mean that life changes to accommodate this new responsibility.
Deaths over take births and marriages! In my twenties I spent most weekends at weddings, there was always someone getting married. In my thirties I spent most of my time at christenings as friends gave birth to babies and life in the mid-forties brings death. Old school friends taken before their time, aging aunts, uncles, family friends and others cross over and funerals become a regular and very sad occurrence. It is a reminded that life is short and I need to live mine doing what brings me joy.
God has become a major part of my life and I now focus more on my spiritual development from a biblical perspective without the need to take on the full Christian way of life. I love God, I am learning about the teachings of His son Jesus Christ but I am resistant to anything religious that tells me how I should think, feel or behave. I don’t need church or religion created by man to love God or Divine Presence as I prefer to all Him. More recently I have discovered a Truth to live by which resonates with me known as “New Thought” and taught by people like Harriet Emilie Cady, Florence Scovel Shinn, Wallace D Wattles and others. I will continue to explore that and learn from it.
I continue to “battle” with my commitment to myself in terms of exercise and healthy eating but each year I get better than the year before and I guess progress is all I can continue to work towards. I affirm my continued health and I meditate which helps me to relax. In the last two years I have come to the realization that illness is a result of unhealthy thinking, too much stress, fear and doubt in our life. As long as I keep my thoughts relaxed and practice being in the moment, limiting the amount of fear/doubt I allow to occupy my thoughts then I will always be healthy. There is a passage in the bible that says food isn’t unclean but the mind of man is – all the envy, jealousy, greed and other unhealthy emotions we allow to run our lives brings about more illness than anything. Of course, I am not a Doctor but this is my own opinion on it and I choose to believe that as long as my thoughts stay pure I can keep my body healthy. It is an Eastern philosophy I choose to embrace.
Now, I use affirmations and meditation to affirm my health, to keep my inner organs strong and healthy. I do what I can to keep my inner life pure while I deal with why my body is carrying extra weight I no longer require! I believe in the power of my mind to transform my health along with regular exercise and a healthy diet.
Choosing to be single when I hit 43 has been fun and very carefree but the desire to have someone to share my life with is now back. It is not a huge priority but I am open to being part of a loving, caring relationship that is long-term and may even include marriage. I am ready to meet the last man I will ever love (sexually). During my meditations and whenever I visualize the future I focus on this wonderful, loving man in my life. I see our home and my car in the drive and we are standing outside talking with our children who are on their way out.
My children are all happy and healthy. During my prayers I give thanks for their continued health and happiness. Two years ago I helped my daughter (my eldest) move into her university campus and she only has one year left to complete. My eldest son has developed a love of Rugby and its great to see him find something he is passionate about. My youngest is either on xbox live or out with his friends too leaving spare time for me that is used up on my computer – probably not the best of ways to live. I do love writing but for 2012 I am going to make progress towards being out more and far more social. I have a particular desire to be involved in writing groups and attending events for writers so I will follow that.
My business and the work I do has changed so much and in the last three years my focus has turned to developing a business that brings in an income mainly from the internet and running workshops leaving me free to pursue my desire to travel once my youngest is older.
I have been working and improving on my ability to manifest what I desire since 2010 and have had some great success and not so great success that have become great learning tools. Thanks to my journal I realized every month since August 2010 I have had unexpected income come into my life. Anything from £150-900 ($200-1500) – now I am teaching myself how to consciously do this. I need a strong level of faith and patience so its a good thing my self-confidence is high.
This is my focus over the next four years as I make plans to travel the world. The last five years since 2007 have been a challenge. From losing my health (and my income as I am self-employed) for seven months and not being able to work and then the recession starting in 2007 that I totally bought into. Knowing the power of my thoughts I went into a panic about the lack of business and by 2008 I was in a financial mess that I worried and fussed about until in September 2009 I screamed at myself, “What the FUCK ARE YOU DOING WOMAN”…. I knew I had ‘tools’ to help me live an empowered life and I knew for the last two years 2007-2009 I wasn’t using them. My focus from that moment went onto what I want. What it is I wanted to see in my life. I moved it away from what was happening and affirmed what I was grateful for and how much better my life was now. Two years later that is exactly the case. I did a lot to reduce my outgoings/expenditure from paying a monthly amount of £3000 to £1700 ($4,760 – $2,600) and now I am working on increasing my income through manifestation and affirmations.
I give thanks and am grateful for those two years when I forgot who I was and found myself ‘plugging’ into the negativity of what was going on in the economy. If I am going to teach how to rebuild one’s life not only through self-confidence but also through the ability to reconnect to Divine Presence I can now do that from personal experience. Having transformed my own life. I went from enjoying a regular income from my business, buying property, having help with the kids/ironing/housework to having to give it all up. Now I intend to get it all back and more and only after I do will I begin to show others how I did it.
I no longer believe all my money has to come through my business by offering a service. Recent experiences have shown me I can win money, find money and be given money completely out of the blue but only what is mine by Divine Right. Best example, in December 2011 I had a solicitors firm get in touch. Back in 2005 I had remortgaged my house and they had kept a sum of money in case any other expenses came through. Now, I could make a fuss and wonder why they had kept over £800 ($1,200) for over six years without ever telling me but instead I saw it as a gift from Divine Presence. I said thank you, expressed my gratitude, gave 10% away and spent the rest on Christmas. That experience opened my eyes to what’s possible and improving my manifestation skills is my new focus.
Write Your Story
What has life been showing you – are you even aware of it? Writing a personal journal will help raise awareness of where you are in life so you can make a conscious decision to change course if you are not happy with the way your life is now. You will see that I have split my life into sections because I find it easier to write that way. You can just write it all out or like me, you can break it into sections – put them into whatever order you like.
- Personal life (fun/spiritual/hobbies)
- Professional life (Career/business)
Today’s self-confidence building exercise is to spend some time going over your story. How does your story shape you? How will you make sure the next 10 years are more fulfilling than the last 10? Think about where you are right now and consider how your thoughts, feelings and actions have played a part in experiencing the life you have right now. Are you happy with what you see? Would you change anything?
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