Being Able To Say No Is Also Part Of Asking
November 13, 2008 by DianeCorriette · Leave a Comment
Session 5 of the Ask For What You Want free personal development ecourse focuses on being able to say NO!
Its one of the smallest words in the dictionary and yet for many one of the hardest. What makes it even harder is having to say NO to someone that you may have asked for help from and they said yes!
Someone saying yes to your request does not make you obligated to do the same thing. Remember at all times people have a choice and just because they choose to say yes it doesn’t mean you have to make that choice too. At all times your decision should only be based on what works for you. Doing something because you feel you have to, or should puts you in a position of feeling powerless and you should avoid that happening.
If saying NO to family, friends, ex partners or anyone close to you is hard the first thing to look at is what makes it difficult for you. Are you afraid of them? Are you afraid of their reaction if you say no? Do you want to remain “good” in their eyes so you avoid saying no?
Asking for what you want is about finding out why you don’t already and deciding what you will do to change that. Saying NO to anyone who asks you for something is exactly the same. There is a reason you can’t say NO and you need to discover what that reason is. Be honest with yourself, ask within (don’t have a conversation about it with 5 of your friends – you have your own answer!) and see what comes forward.
Just keep asking “why am I afraid to say NO?”
If you want to take it a step further sit down with a piece of paper and keep writing down the question until an answer appears and then write down the answer. Continue to just repeat the question and write it down until answers present themselves. You may write the question 10 times before you receive one answer but before long the answers will flow and you will have a list of what it is that stops you.
If you want to share what stops you saying NO then leave a comment. Also let us know what you think you can do about it (because beieve it or not you do already have the answer)
I look forward to sharing session six with you.
You can get hold of my ebook that will provide you with tips on how to say no and how to ask for what you want here
http://www.howtobooklets.net/ask-for-what-you-want-1.html
Diane
Ask For What You Want Session 4 : What’s the payoff?
October 22, 2008 by DianeCorriette · 1 Comment
There is a payoff in everything we do in life – even if we are not fully aware of what it is or the fact that we do something because of the payoff. No matter how bad a situation is in your life if you look deep enough you will find the payoff.
What is your payoff for not asking for what you want?
When you don’t ask do you get to play victim? Or do you get to be right about something? Maybe you feel you shouldn’t have to ask and that people should ask you if you need help, or money…..
What’s the payoff for staying stuck in your current situation? Do you get to be the hero? Does everyone get to feel sorry for you?
What’s the payoff for not losing weight? Do you get to complain about how unfair life is? Do you get to hide inside and not face the world because you are larger than most? Maybe it stops you from finding that special person you want to be with.
In everything we do there is a payoff and when you can sit and self reflect – that is look back on a day, week, month, year or even your whole life, you will recognise your payoffs for events in your life.
I had a client who would make herself ill to gain attention from her husband. The only time he paid her love and attention was when she wasn’t well and rather than ask for love and attention she would make herself ill so that she received it. Receiving love and attention was her payoff but she destroyed her health to do it.
You need to be brave and come out of denial in order to make this work but if you want to get yourself into a place where you can always ask for what you want then you must recognise what the payoff is when you don’t.
Your payoff will stop you from asking but when you look at it and work through it then it will leave you with the freedom to go ahead and ask. So first go back and make sure you have identified WHY you can’t ask and then look at what the pay off is for not asking. Armed with the answer to those two areas you will easily be able to begin the process of asking for what you want.
I hope you enjoyed reading session 4 of Ask For What You Want. Look out for other sessions in this free personal development ecourse.
And in the spirit of asking… “If you enjoy reading this would you like a copy of my ebook?”
Ask 4 what u want Session 3: Reptition is the mother of all that’s good
October 7, 2008 by DianeCorriette · Leave a Comment
Once you have identified what stops you from asking for what you want and you begin the process of actually asking people it’s important you keep the flow going.
Repetition works because you are doing the same thing over and over again which helps you to form a new habit so once you have asked once go ahead and do it again… and quickly!
The more you ask, the more you feel able to ask and the better you get at it. You may not always be direct and just ask for something… at first when you begin asking you may find yourself giving long winded reasons, excuses, maybe you might even beg a little 
but eventually you will come to a place where you open your mouth and just ask….
“I need to work late on Friday so can you arrange to pick the children up from school please?”
Rather than rushing about trying to fit in working late and having to pick the children up, being unsure whether you will make it in time and leaving the little cherubs standing at school waiting for you…. you simply ask your partner to take the time needed to pick them up instead.
It’s easy for most of us as women to shoulder the responsibility for having to do everything and juggle all the balls in the air but it’s far more powerful to just ask for help and not put yourself under as much pressure.
Once you manage to ask for help in the school run department why not try the next level… what would you love to ask for that you normally wouldn’t? Try asking your partner for a night of romance and love making. If it’s not normally something you do just go ahead and ask them if they would like to join you for a night of sensual pleasure… who would say no to that!
From my work with past clients asking for money, sex and support at work/with a business are three of the most difficult things to ask for and when you learn to ask in a way that supports the other person and gives them the right to say no (without you getting upset) you will find it becomes easier and you will begin to receive positive answers rather than negative ones.
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Get your copy of my booklet
51 Tips That Will Help You Ask For What You Want
Ask 4 What U Want: Session 2: How does asking make you feel?
October 7, 2008 by DianeCorriette · 2 Comments
When you think about having to ask for what you want/need how does that make you feel?
Are you afraid of rejection? Do you think if you get a “no” its because there is something wrong with you? Or they are saying no to you (even though the reality is they are just saying no to what you asked for)
Do you think it’s weak to ask for what you want? Is your pride in the way of you asking for what you need?
Do you feel vulnerable? Does the thought of relying on other people make you feel as if you can’t cope. Or maybe you are afraid they are going to think you can’t cope if you ask.
Are you worried about asking for what you want? Why is that? What’s the reason behind your concern?
You need to give yourself time to look at how asking for something makes you feel.
Now I am not saying I am a complete expert on this! But there are many things I will ask for…. food, a cuddle, sex, if I need to use something… and there are still things I have trouble asking for but I will eventually ask because I take myself through a process of identifying what my fear is.
Remember, with all things personal development related it’s not about being perfect. I hate the phrase “yeah… but you’re a life coach!” like this somehow makes me exempt from feeling anything negative and needing to have all the answers to every question! People believe its easier for me to ask than it is for them which is just not true. The main difference is I won’t let my fear stop me from asking.
The one thing I will do is ASK… even if it takes me a few hours or days to get there. If I need something I will ask immediately and if I feel I can’t I will stop and identify what is stopping me from asking and then work through it.
I will then ask even if my fear (or guilt or weakness) is right there in my face… In the middle of feeling fearful I will ask anyway. This (for me) has been the most powerful way to face my fears… and do it anyway
Many times the reason I can’t ask for what I want is because my mind is messing with me. Your negative mind will convince you that it’s not going to go well when you ask and it will bring up all sorts of stories about why not… YOU MUST LEARN TO STOP LISTENING TO THAT VOICE… you can thank it for sharing and then it to “f*@$k off!”
Now is the time to take back control over your mind and that damn voice! Let it know you’re back and you’re in charge and go out there and ask for whatever it is you want…. and let me know how it goes
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Get your copy of my booklet
51 Tips That Will Help You Ask For What You Want
Ask For What You Want : First Identify why you don’t
September 29, 2008 by DianeCorriette · Leave a Comment
Isn’t that a great question to start asking yourself! “Why don’t I ask for what I want?”
After all it isn’t difficult… all you have to do is open your mouth and say what it is you want. Simple!
So then why isn’t it simple if it’s really so simple??? That is what we will figure out together as you read through the series of “Ask For What You Want” blog posts.
Together you and I will go on a journey of which there is no return! You start this journey as a poor, weak, pathetic (bear with me it gets better…) creature desperate to just express what it is you want to say but by the end you will be a super asker super hero…. you become “Ask the warrior princess” as you express yourself simply, easily and without hesitation.
You will finally experience true self expression as you open up to becoming the person you want to be.
You will be the person that justs opens their mouth and asks!
Can you see that right now? Stop and imagine for a second what it will be like. Visualize yourself in front of the person who scares you the most asking for exactly what you want because before long that’s exactly what’s going to happen…. right???!!!
Remember, the power is with you, not with me. Create the intention to make this happen and let’s do this!
Diane Corriette
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Get your copy of my booklet
51 Tips That Will Help You Ask For What You Want
