How to Clarify Your Values (and Use Them to Make Better Decisions Now)
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If you are drifting through life on autopilot, feeling like the days run you instead of you running them, there is a good chance you are making decisions without a clear compass. That compass is your values.
Your values are the deeply held principles that guide how you think, act, and choose. They are the difference between living reactively (responding to whatever shows up) and living deliberately, with your days shaped around what truly matters to you.
This isn't about finding your "one big purpose" in life. It's about uncovering the specific, tangible priorities that matter right now, so you can align daily choices with them. This is the ultimate goal of being able to live with purpose.
There are a number of exercises in this article because understanding and listing your values is that important. Complete one a day, or allocate 20 minutes and get one or two finished. There is no rush. Better to take your time and get this right. It will really support your life and your mission to live with purpose when you are clear on your values.
Complete one exercise or complete them all. Up to you. You will get back what you put in.
Why Clarifying Your Values Matters
Direction beats motivation: When you know your values, you have a reliable decision-making filter even on days when motivation is low.
Less overthinking: You stop analysing every option to death because your values tell you which fits best.
Fewer regrets: Decisions based on your values feel right long after the moment has passed.
Greater self-trust: You stop second-guessing yourself because you know why you made the choice.
Step 1: Understand What Values Are (and Aren't)
Values are:
- Principles you choose to live by
- Guides for behaviour, not abstract ideals
- Flexible enough to grow with you
Values are not:
- Goals (goals are what you aim to achieve; values guide how you achieve them)
- Random "nice-to-haves" from a list in a book
- What you think you should care about because others do
Common Values Traps to Avoid
Before diving into exercises, watch out for these common pitfalls:
Inherited Values – Values passed down from family or culture that you've never questioned. Ask yourself: "Do I choose this value, or was it chosen for me?"
Aspirational Values – Values you wish mattered to you but don't actually drive your behavior. Be honest about what actually motivates you, not what sounds good.
Should Values – Values based on societal expectations rather than authentic desires. Notice when you use phrases like "I should care about..." – this often signals a should value rather than a genuine one.
Step 2: Gather Clues From Your Own Life
Your values are already showing up in your best and worst moments. We just have to bring them into focus.
Exercise: The Peak & Pit Method
Peak moments – Write down three times you felt proud, alive, or deeply content.
- What were you doing?
- Who were you with?
- Why did it matter to you?
Pit moments – Write down three times you felt frustrated, drained, or "not yourself."
Pits reveal values that were missing or ignored in that moment — values you need to actively protect in the future so you don’t end up in the same draining situation again.
- What caused that feeling?
- Which needs or principles were being ignored?
Look for themes in both lists. Peaks reveal values you want to nurture; pits reveal values you need to protect.
Example:
Pit moment: You felt drained after being micromanaged on a project.
What it reveals: You value autonomy.
How to protect it: Choose work situations where you have independence, set clear boundaries, and avoid commitments that remove your control.
Exercise: Values Archaeology
Examine your spending and time logs for the past month. Create two columns:
- Where do you actually spend your money?
- Where do you actually spend your time?
Often there's a revealing gap between stated values and where you invest your resources. This gap shows you either values you're neglecting or "should values" that aren't actually important to you.
Exercise: Role Model Analysis
List 3-5 people you deeply admire (they can be people you know personally or public figures).
For each person, write down:
- What specific qualities draw you to them?
- What do they do that you wish you did more of?
- How do they handle challenges or decisions?
The qualities you admire in others often reflect values you want to express more fully in your own life.
Exercise: The Eulogy Test
Write what you would want people to say about how you lived at your funeral. Focus on character and impact rather than achievements.
This exercise cuts through superficial answers and gets to deeper values quickly. What matters when you imagine your life from that final perspective?
Exercise: Values Under Pressure Test
Think of 2-3 times when you were stressed, rushed, or under significant pressure.
- What did you default to?
- What did you protect or prioritize?
- What did you sacrifice first?
Crisis moments often reveal authentic core values more clearly than comfortable times, because they show what you instinctively protect when everything can't be preserved.
Step 3: Identify Your Non-Negotiables
These are the values you will not compromise on, even when it's inconvenient. They're the backbone of a life that feels like yours.
Exercise: The Five Test
Circle 5 recurring themes from your exercises above (e.g., freedom, creativity, kindness, growth, honesty).
For each, write one sentence beginning with: "For me, [value] means…"
Example: "For me, creativity means making space each week to create something new without worrying if it's 'useful'."
Exercise: Values Hierarchy
Once you have your top 5 values, rank them by asking: "If I could only honor one value today, which would it be?" Then: "Of the remaining four, which is most important?" Continue until you have a clear 1-5 ranking.
This hierarchy becomes crucial for making tough decisions where values conflict.
Step 4: Define What Each Value Looks Like in Action
Values need to be lived, not just named. The clearer your actions, the easier your choices will be.
Exercise: Value-to-Action Mapping
Create a table with three columns: Value | Daily Action | Example Choice
Examples:
- Creativity | Spend 30 minutes each morning writing or drawing | Say no to an extra meeting so I can keep my creative block free
- Health | Prepare lunch the night before | Skip late-night scrolling to get enough sleep
- Family | Have dinner together without devices | Turn down weekend work requests
Exercise: Values in Relationships Mapping
Create a chart of your 5-7 closest relationships. For each person, note:
- Which of your values do they reflect or support?
- Which values do they challenge or conflict with?
- How does this relationship energize or drain you?
This reveals both sources of values alignment and potential areas of growth or conflict in your relationships.
Step 5: Check for Conflicts and Prioritise
Some values will compete. That's normal — the key is to consciously decide which takes priority when they clash.
Exercise: Value Conflict Review
- List two values that sometimes pull in opposite directions (e.g., security vs. adventure, family vs. career growth)
- Think of a real-life scenario where they conflicted
- Decide which you'd choose if the same conflict came up tomorrow — and why
- Create a principle for handling this conflict in the future
Exercise: The 80-Year-Old Self Letter
Write a letter from your 80-year-old self to your current self about what really mattered in life. What would your older, wiser self say about:
- Which values to prioritize?
- What conflicts weren't worth the stress?
- What you wish you'd spent more time on?
This provides perspective beyond current circumstances and immediate pressures.
Step 6: Test Your Values in Real Life
You only know a value is real when you see yourself living by it, even when it costs you something.
Experiment: One-Week Value Challenge
- Pick one value to focus on this week
- Each day, make at least one choice that honors it — even if it's small
- At the end of the week, reflect: Did living this value feel right? Did it energize you or feel forced?
Exercise: Real-World Application Scenarios
Practice applying your values to these common decision points:
Career Decision: You're offered a promotion with higher pay but longer hours and more stress. Walk through your values hierarchy to make the decision.
Relationship Choice: A friend consistently cancels plans last-minute. How do your values guide your response?
Money Decision: You have extra money to spend. How do your values influence whether you save, spend on experiences, give to charity, or invest in a skill?
Time Management: Your weekend is free. How do your values guide how you spend these precious hours?
Step 7: Make Values Your Decision Filter
From now on, run new opportunities through this quick filter:
- Does this align with one or more of my top values?
- Does it compromise any of my top values?
- If it compromises a value, am I willing to make that trade-off?
If the answer to #1 is "no" and #2 is "yes," the decision is easy — it's a no.
Step 8: Navigate Implementation Obstacles
Aligning your life with your values isn't always straightforward. Here's how to handle common challenges:
When Values Conflict with Job/Family Expectations:
- Start with small changes rather than dramatic overhauls
- Communicate your values clearly to help others understand your choices
- Look for creative compromises that honor both your values and important relationships
During the Transition Period:
- Expect some discomfort as you shift from old patterns to values-based living
- Celebrate small wins rather than waiting for perfect alignment
- Be patient with yourself and others as they adjust to changes in your behavior
Dealing with Guilt or Fear:
- Remember that living by your values ultimately serves everyone better than living inauthentically
- Start with lower-stakes decisions to build confidence
- Seek support from people who share or respect your values
Step 9: Create a Values Maintenance System
Values aren't fixed forever. They evolve as you do. Here's how to stay aligned:
Monthly Values Check-In
Ask yourself:
- Where in my life do I feel most aligned right now?
- Where do I feel resistance or resentment?
- Which value is at play in each case?
- What one adjustment could improve my alignment?
Annual Values Review
- Revisit your values exercises
- Notice what's changed in your priorities
- Update your values hierarchy if needed
- Adjust your daily actions to reflect any shifts
Warning Signs You're Drifting
Watch for these signals that you may be moving away from your values:
- Consistent Sunday scaries or Monday dread
- Feeling like you're living someone else's life
- Regular resentment about how you spend your time
- Making decisions you later regret
- Feeling energized by other people's lives but not your own
Everyday Example
You're offered a promotion with a bigger salary but longer hours. Your values are family, health, and creativity. The job would compromise all three. The old you might have said yes because "it's the logical next step."
The values-aligned you says no — because you're no longer living by logic alone; you're living by your compass.
Quick Reference: Complete Values Clarification Process
- Understand values – Know what they are and why they matter
- Avoid common traps – Distinguish between inherited, aspirational, and authentic values
- Gather clues – Use multiple exercises to identify patterns
- Choose non-negotiables – Narrow to your top five and rank them
- Map to actions – Define what each value looks like daily
- Spot conflicts – Decide in advance which takes priority
- Test in real life – Run experiments and practice scenarios
- Filter decisions – Use values as a yes/no guide
- Navigate obstacles – Plan for implementation challenges
- Review regularly – Maintain alignment as you grow
Final Thought
Clarifying your values isn't a one-time exercise. It's the foundation of living with purpose — and the first step toward a self-authored life. The more often you use them to guide your choices, the more your days will feel like they belong to you.
The goal isn't perfection. It's progress toward a life that feels authentically yours, where your daily choices reflect what genuinely matters to you. Start with one exercise, make one values-based decision today, and build from there.
