Define Your Values and Guiding Principles

Thanks, for sharing:
When life feels noisy, I come back to a simple question. What am I about. Not in quotes-on-a-wall language. In plain English I can use on a Tuesday afternoon when I am tired and someone is asking for something I do not have to give. Values are not slogans. They are the few things that matter enough to shape how you spend time, money, energy, and attention. Guiding principles are the rules you write to protect those values when it counts.
Three to five values are enough. Fewer words. More decisions made with less drama. Clarity is kind to you and to everyone who lives with your choices.
What It Looks Like in Real Life
When your values and principles are clear, life starts to move differently.
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You know what to say no to without a paragraph of guilt.
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Your schedule and spending begin to match what you say matters.
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You make faster decisions because the rules are already chosen.
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You feel more like yourself after you commit, not less.
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Feedback is useful data, not a command.
If your values are fuzzy, days fill with other people’s priorities. Your calendar gets crowded. Your self-trust gets quiet.
Why This Matters
Values reduce decision fatigue. Every choice does not need a fresh debate because you already decided what guides you. Principles turn that clarity into behavior you can practice. Over time, the repetition builds identity. You start to act like the person you say you are, which strengthens self-trust. That self-trust then makes the next aligned choice easier. It is a helpful loop.
Why It Can Be Hard
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You learned borrowed values. Family, culture, or a past season handed you a list that no longer fits.
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The words feel vague. Integrity. Balance. Growth. Nice ideas, hard to live by at 4 p.m. on a busy day.
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You want to get it perfect. Perfection turns a living practice into a test you can fail.
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You picked too many. Ten values dilute focus. Choose fewer and go deeper.
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Life shifted. New roles or realities mean the old list needs an edit.
Nothing is wrong with you. You are updating your map for the season you are in.
Apply the Learning in Small Ways
Here is a simple path I use with clients and myself.
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Name three to five values in plain English.
Think action words or short phrases. Examples: Health. Honesty. Simplicity. Courage. Learning. Family. Contribution. Stewardship. -
Define each value with a sentence you can live.
Fill this in: I live [value] when I…
Example: I live Simplicity when I choose fewer, better commitments. -
Write one guiding principle per value.
A principle is your rule of thumb under pressure.
Examples:
Health: Move my body daily, even if it is a ten-minute walk.
Honesty: Say one true sentence early, especially when it is awkward.
Simplicity: One big priority per day is enough.
Courage: Choose the honest conversation over silent resentment.
Stewardship: Spend on what gets used and loved. -
Create a daily anchor for each value.
Minimum viable actions that still count on a bad day.
Health: Drink water before coffee.
Honesty: Write the clear email draft before I soften it.
Simplicity: Delete one non-essential commitment a week.
Courage: Make the call I am avoiding for two minutes.
Stewardship: Check my budget for five minutes on Fridays. -
Add one decision rule to protect your time.
If a request conflicts with a value, delay by default.
Script: Thank you for asking. I will check and confirm tomorrow.
That pause is a boundary with manners. -
Make an if–then plan for your hardest moment.
If I feel the urge to over-explain, then I will use one clear sentence and stop.
If my day gets crowded, then I will protect my top priority and move the rest.
Why this works. You are shrinking choices into cues. If–then plans help your brain act without friction. Minimum actions build consistency, which builds identity. Identity makes the next choice easier.
Everyday Examples
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Work.
Values: Simplicity. Contribution.
Principle: One big rock per day.
Decision rule: Meetings need an agenda and an outcome or I decline.
Anchor: Plan the one task that moves the needle before I open email. -
Family.
Values: Presence. Respect.
Principle: I do not multi-task when someone is sharing something important.
Decision rule: Phones go away at dinner.
Anchor: Ask one better question each evening. What felt good today. -
Health.
Values: Energy. Longevity.
Principle: Sleep is a non-negotiable.
Decision rule: No screens in bed.
Anchor: Lights out by a set time five nights a week. -
Money.
Values: Stewardship. Freedom.
Principle: Spend with intention and review weekly.
Decision rule: Any purchase over a set amount waits 24 hours.
Anchor: Five-minute money check-in every Friday. -
Friendship.
Values: Reciprocity. Joy.
Principle: Relationships should feel alive and mutual.
Decision rule: If a pattern is one-sided for three months, I address it.
Anchor: One honest text a week to someone I want to keep close.
Build the Habit
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Put values where decisions live. Add them to your calendar description, task manager, or phone lock screen.
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Weekly audit. On Sunday, list one decision that honored your values and one that drifted. Name one simple adjustment for the week ahead.
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Principle cards. Keep a small card or note with your three to five principles. Read them before hard conversations.
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One-value month. Choose a single value to emphasize for thirty days. Stack two or three anchors around it. See what changes.
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Review by season. Revisit values at natural turning points. New job. Move. School year. Holidays. You evolve. Your list can, too.
Why this works. Visibility beats willpower. Regular reviews keep the system alive. Repetition turns principles into default behavior, which reduces the need for constant motivation.
Capture the Takeaway
Values tell you what matters. Principles protect what matters when life gets loud. Choose a few, write them in your own words, and practice the smallest version daily. That is how a self-authored life starts to feel sturdy.
Your 10-Minute Next Step
Pen and paper. Ten minutes.
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Choose your five. Draw a box with five lines. Write one value per line in plain English. If you have more than five, circle the ones you would defend.
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Write the principle. Next to each value, add one guiding rule that would protect it under pressure. Keep it short and concrete.
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Set the anchor. Under the box, list one minimum daily action for each value. Make it so small you could do it on a rough day.
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Add a delay script. At the bottom of the page, write your go-to line: I will check and come back to you tomorrow.
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Place it where you will see it. Photograph the page. Make it your lock screen for one week.
Read your five values out loud once. Let your voice make a promise your calendar can keep.