The Role of Self-Awareness in Resilience

By the time you reach the Understand step of the PAUSE Framework, you have already paused the knee-jerk reaction and accepted the reality of what is happening. Now comes the part that shifts you from surface-level coping to deeper resilience: self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the ability to recognise what’s driving your emotions and behaviour in a given moment without judgment. It is looking beneath the surface to see why you feel what you feel, and how those feelings are shaping your choices. 

Without this step, your actions may still be guided by old habits, past wounds, or unconscious patterns. With it, you gain the clarity to respond in ways that serve you, rather than sabotage you.

Why Self-Awareness Is Essential to Resilience

Resilience isn’t just about “bouncing back” it’s about bouncing forward with greater understanding.

Self-awareness:

• Reveals triggers: You learn which situations or behaviours set off certain emotional responses.
• Connects past to present: You spot echoes of old experiences influencing your reaction today.
• Opens new choices: You’re no longer locked into automatic behaviours.
• Strengthens self-trust: You see yourself acting with intention, which builds confidence in your own judgment.

In resilience terms, self-awareness is the compass. It tells you where you actually are so you can navigate where to go next.

How to Practise the Understand Step

1. Ask the “meta-question”
Instead of “Why is this happening to me?”, try:
“What specifically is making me feel this way?”
This question cuts through the fog and identifies the real driver behind your reaction.

2. Zoom out
Visualise the situation as part of a bigger picture. Who else is involved? What factors are influencing this? Seeing the context can shrink the intensity of the moment.

3. Tune into your body
Strong emotions often land in the body first: a tight chest, a sinking stomach, a clenched jaw. Noticing these sensations helps you catch reactions before they fully take over.

4. Use a curiosity anchor (NLP technique)
Lightly touch your chin or tilt your head as a physical cue to shift from judgment to curiosity. Over time, your brain links this movement to the mindset of exploration rather than criticism.

5. Journal it out
Write down:

• What happened.
• How you felt.
• What thoughts followed.
• What memories or past events it reminded you of.

Patterns often emerge faster when you put pen to paper.

Everyday Examples of Understanding in Action

The Sharp Email – You notice your frustration isn’t just about the message; it’s about a long history of feeling undervalued at work.

The Family Disagreement – You recognise the tightness in your chest comes from a childhood dynamic of avoiding conflict — and this awareness helps you stay in the conversation.

The Missed Goal – Instead of labelling yourself a failure, you see that your habit of overcommitting made the target unrealistic in the first place.

Why We Avoid Self-Awareness (and How to Break Through)

Sometimes looking inward feels uncomfortable, even threatening. You might:

• Fear what you’ll find.
• Worry that awareness means you must change everything at once.
• Confuse self-awareness with self-criticism.

The truth: self-awareness is not about blame; it’s about understanding. You can’t change what you won’t look at, and you don’t have to change it all today.

Building the Habit of Understanding

Pause first. Without the Pause step, your mind won’t be clear enough to see patterns.

Start with small reflections. Ask one question: “What’s really going on here?”

Normalise the process. Reflect on positive moments too, not just problems.

Share insights. Talking it through with someone you trust can deepen clarity, especially helpful if you have a “split definition” and process best in conversation.

The Transformation: From Blind Spots to Better Choices

Self-awareness shifts you from running on autopilot to steering your own response.

You:

• Catch old patterns before they play out.
• Reduce unnecessary conflict by understanding your own triggers.
• Strengthen your ability to handle similar challenges in the future.

And because this step sits right in the middle of the PAUSE framework, it becomes the bridge between seeing reality (Accept) and building new capacity (Strengthen).

Your Next Step:
In your next challenging moment, ask:
“What’s underneath this reaction — and is it about now, or something earlier?”
Then pause long enough to hear your own answer.