Signs of Low Self-Confidence (and How to Spot Them in Yourself)

Thanks, for sharing:
For years, when I thought about self-confidence I assumed you either had it or, like me, you were lacking in it. I never thought of it as a skill. I would see women walk into a room and own it, speaking clearly, making decisions, taking up space and I thought, Well, that’s just not me.
What I didn’t realise then was that low self-confidence isn’t always obvious. Its not just about feeling shy or nervous. Sometimes it hides in habits you’ve lived with for so long that they feel normal. And until you notice them, you can’t start shifting them.
Why This Matters
Low self-confidence quietly shapes the choices you make - what you go for, what you settle for, what you believe is “for people like you.”
It can lead you to stay silent when you have something valuable to say. It can keep you in situations that don’t serve you because you doubt you could do better. And over time, it erodes your self-trust, making it harder to take even small steps forward.
Spotting the signs early matters because you can’t change what you don’t see. Once you notice them, you can start replacing them with habits that build you up instead of holding you back.
Common Signs of Low Self-Confidence
1. You apologize for existing
You say “sorry” when someone bumps into you. You apologize before asking a question. You start emails with “Sorry to bother you…” — even when you have every right to speak up.
2. You downplay your achievements
When someone compliments your work, you brush it off: “Oh, it was nothing.” You tell yourself you “just got lucky” instead of acknowledging the skills, effort, and persistence that made it happen.
3. You over-explain your decisions
You feel the need to justify even small choices — what you ordered for lunch, why you didn’t go out last weekend - as though someone’s waiting to judge you.
4. You avoid eye contact
Not because you’re rude, but because you’re worried about being “seen.” Eye contact can feel like exposure when you’re not feeling sure of yourself.
5. You rarely speak up first
Whether it’s in meetings, group chats, or social settings, you wait for others to go first in case your idea “isn’t good enough.”
6. You let other people’s opinions override your own
You might have a gut feeling about something, but the moment someone disagrees, you assume they must be right.
7. You’re uncomfortable accepting praise without deflecting
A compliment lands, and your instinct is to change the subject, make a joke, or point out a flaw.
Why It Can Feel Hard to Notice
Some of these habits are so ingrained you don’t even register them as signs of low confidence. Maybe you were raised to be “polite” or “not make a fuss.” Maybe you learned to keep the peace by keeping yourself small. Over time, those behaviours become automatic.
And here’s the tricky part, you can be high-achieving and still struggle with low self-confidence. Outward success doesn’t always match how you feel inside.
Everyday Examples
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Work: You have an idea in a meeting but talk yourself out of saying it. A week later, someone else makes the same point and gets praised.
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Friendship: A friend cancels plans last minute (again) and you tell her it’s fine, even though it bothers you, because you don’t want to “make things awkward.”
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Relationships: You find yourself adapting to someone else’s preferences so much that you barely notice your own.
These moments seem small, but they stack up. Each time you hold back, you reinforce the belief that your needs, opinions, or presence matter less.
Apply the Learning in Small Ways
Here’s your 5-day confidence check-in:
Day 1–2: Simply notice. Keep a running note on your phone of any time you catch yourself doing one of the behaviours above.
Day 3: Pick one small moment where you normally would shrink back and instead, hold your ground.
Day 4: Accept one compliment without deflecting. Just say, “Thank you,” and let it land.
Day 5: Share your opinion in a low-stakes setting, like suggesting a café or movie, without over-explaining your choice.
The aim isn’t to overhaul everything overnight. It’s to start collecting proof that you can take up more space — and the world doesn’t end when you do.
Why This Works
Self-Confidence isn’t built in the big moments, it’s built in the micro-choices you make every day. By noticing and gently replacing these habits, you’re sending yourself a new message: I matter here. That repeated message is what strengthens self-trust over time.
Capture the Takeaway
Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. It’s a set of habits you’ve learned and you can learn new ones. The first step is spotting where it shows up in your life. The next is making small, deliberate changes that show your brain you’re safe to stand taller.
Your Next Step
For the next week, pick one of the signs above that feels most familiar. Each time it shows up, pause and ask yourself: “What would I do right now if I trusted myself a little more?” Then do that, even if it’s just a small shift.