Buy Yourself Time: The Simple Shift That Transforms How You Set Boundaries

If you often find yourself saying yes before you have even had a chance to think, you are not alone. For many women, especially those used to juggling work, caregiving, friendships, and expectations, the automatic yes becomes a survival reflex. It feels easier to agree than to deal with the guilt or discomfort of saying no. But let’s pause right there.

Because in that pause, in that tiny space between someone else’s request and your answer, is where your clarity lives.

Why We Say Yes Too Quickly

Saying yes quickly can feel like keeping the peace, staying helpful, being liked. It soothes the momentary discomfort. But later? It often breeds resentment, burnout, and a growing distance between your needs and your reality.

It’s not because you are “bad at boundaries.” It’s because you have learned, probably from a young age, that your job is to smooth over tension. That people-pleasing is safer than rocking the boat. In that way, the instant yes becomes a kind of emotional armour: avoid tension now, deal with the fallout later.

But what if the real power move wasn’t in being decisive — but in giving yourself space to decide?
The Power of “Let Me Get Back to You”

The next time someone asks for your time, energy, help, or input, try this instead:
“Let me check my week and get back to you.”

“Thanks for asking. I need to sit with it before I say yes.”

“Can I come back to you once I’ve thought it through?”

These are not evasions. They are acts of self-respect. They signal that your time, energy, and clarity matter and that you are not in the business of handing out your yes on autopilot.

This micro-shift creates space between the ask and your answer. And in that space, something important happens:
You move from reacting to deciding.

And here’s why that matters.

Reacting Is Habitual. Deciding Is Intentional.

When you are in the habit of reacting (especially when your reaction is shaped by guilt, people-pleasing, or fear of being seen as selfish) you give away your power without realising it.

Deciding, by contrast, is rooted in presence.

When you give yourself even a few minutes to pause, breathe, and check in with yourself, your yes (or no) becomes something you own, not something you owe.

This might feel uncomfortable at first. You might fear what the other person will think, or worry that you will seem flaky or rude. But remember: the people who genuinely respect you will respect your pause. The ones who don’t? They are showing you something worth noticing.

You’re Allowed to Prioritise Yourself

Let’s be clear: putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s sustainable.

The more you say yes to things that don’t align with your bandwidth or your values, the more exhausted, frustrated, and unseen you’ll feel. And eventually, your resentment leaks out in other ways, snappy responses, broken commitments, or emotional withdrawal.

Boundaries are not about pushing people away. They’re about honouring your capacity.

They let you show up with integrity, energy, and intention instead of obligation.

“I Just Need a Minute”  - Why the Pause Helps

Neurologically speaking, giving yourself space between stimulus and response taps into the part of your brain responsible for rational thinking. It interrupts the limbic system, the part of you that wants to please, appease, or fix right away.
That pause, even if it’s just 30 seconds, lets your nervous system settle. You are not making decisions from fear or pressure. You are checking in with your own internal compass.
This isn’t just emotional growth, it’s cognitive self-regulation. And it works.

You Are Not Rude. You Are Recalibrating

If your default setting has been “yes to everything,” people might need time to adjust when you start using this new boundary tool. That’s okay.

You’re not being rude. You’re recalibrating the terms of your energy exchange.

It might help to remind yourself:

“I’m not bad at boundaries. I’m just learning to pause and decide instead of react and regret.”

This mindset shift helps you reclaim ownership of your time without guilt.

What If You Still Feel Uncomfortable?

You will. At least at first.

And that’s okay. Discomfort is not a sign that you’re doing something wrong — it’s a sign that you’re doing something new.

Try writing down a few ready-to-use phrases that feel natural to you. Practice them. Say them out loud. Keep them on a sticky note in your planner or on your phone screen:

“I’ll think about that and let you know.”

“Let me get back to you once I’ve checked my calendar.”

“I’m not sure right now - I need a little time.”

Eventually, these will become second nature. You’ll stop reacting to ease tension. You’ll start responding in ways that protect your peace.

And isn’t that what boundaries are really about?

Your Permission Slip: Delay the Answer. Reclaim Your Power.

Inside our downloadable guide 51 Permission Slips for Women Who’ve Had Enough, one of the most popular pages is about this exact shift. Saying “let me get back to you” might seem simple, but it’s a game-changer.

It reminds you that you don’t owe anyone instant access to your time or your yes. It gives you breathing room to tune into what you actually want, not what you think you should want. And it helps you build a version of yourself that feels solid, centred, and clear.

This one small habit has ripple effects. You’ll start making decisions that are aligned, not automatic. And the more you do that, the more your life will feel like it actually belongs to you.