Step-Based vs Factor-Based Resilience: How PAUSE Works in Both

When life knocks you sideways, emotional resilience is the bridge between I cant do this and I will find a way through. But resilience is not just a trait you either have or don’t. It’s both a practice you can use in the moment and a foundation you can build over time. At Inspirational Guidance, we use the PAUSE framework as a practical, step-based tool for when emotions run high.

Yet emotional resilience can also be seen through the skills, and strengths you carry with you, based on Edith Grotberg’s well-known resilience framework:

• I Have — support and resources around me.
• I Can — the skills and strategies I use.
• I Am — the inner strengths I draw on.

When you bring these two approaches together, the steps and factors, emotional resilience stops being abstract. It becomes something you can do and something you can develop.

How PAUSE Works as a Step-Based Method
Think of PAUSE as a sequence, a clear guide when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or tempted to react without thinking:

P – Pause: Create a gap before reacting.
One breath. A counted three. A sip of water. The aim is interruption: stopping the automatic spiral so choice becomes possible.

A – Accept: Allow what you feel, and name it.
Acceptance isn’t approval. It’s dropping the fight with reality long enough to see clearly. Naming emotions tends to soften their intensity and reduces reactivity.

U – Understand: Be curious about the trigger and the meaning you’re making.
Ask: What just happened? What did I tell myself about it? What else could be true? Curiosity loosens the grip of rigid thinking and blame.

S – Strengthen: Access internal and external support.
Internal: self-talk, breathing, posture, values.
External: a friend, a boundary, a five-minute walk, a calmer room. This step is where you actively resource yourself.

E – Evolve: Carry the lesson forward.
Close the loop: What did I learn? What will I do next time? Turning one response into a repeatable pattern is how resilience grows.

In short: PAUSE turns a hot moment into a teachable one — then into a new habit. This is resilience in action. It is the “how-to” you can fall back on when life feels like too much.

PAUSE as a factor-based model (what resilience is made of)
Using Grotberg’s lens, PAUSE also maps to the factors that make resilience possible:

I Have → Strengthen
Strengthen centres the supports around you, people, routines, safe spaces, and practical adjustments. It reminds you: I don’t have to do this alone.
I Can → Pause, Accept, Understand
These three are skills: self-regulation (Pause), emotional acceptance and labelling (Accept), and cognitive appraisal/reframing (Understand). They are the “how” of coping.
I Am → Evolve
Evolve consolidates experience into identity: I am the kind of person who can steady myself and learn from this. Over time, that self-belief becomes your baseline.

Factors tell you what to build. Steps tell you how to use it when it counts.

How They Work Together
In the moment: Step-based PAUSE gives you a script when emotions rise.
Over time: Factor-based PAUSE shows you what resilience is made of, and what you need to keep strengthening.

Together, they form a cycle:

The more you practise PAUSE in the moment, the more evidence you build of your skills and strengths. They create a flywheel: each time you use PAUSE well, you generate evidence (“I am capable”), which strengthens identity; stronger identity makes it easier to use PAUSE next time; and resourcing yourself (“I have support”) keeps the whole system stable.

This is why resilience is not fixed. It’s both trainable (in the moment) and sustainable (over time).

Why this works (the transformational bit)
State interruption: Pausing disrupts fight/flight long enough for choice.
Affect labelling & acceptance: Naming and allowing emotions reduces their intensity and increases flexibility.
Cognitive reappraisal: Understanding the trigger shifts meaning, which shifts emotion and behaviour.
Resource buffering: Support (people, place, practices) reduces stress load and improves recovery.
Identity consolidation: When you evolve the lesson, you turn single wins into self-belief.

Practical Ways to Apply This

Daily Micro-Practice
Choose one PAUSE step to focus on today, maybe just “Pause” before replying to a difficult email.

Weekly Factor Check-In
Ask yourself: Which of my resilience factors is strongest right now, I Have, I Can, or I Am? Which one needs support?

Journal one PAUSE moment: What did you feel (A)? What was the trigger/meaning (U)? What support helped (S)? What will you carry forward (E)?

Monthly Reflection
Write down one moment you used PAUSE well, and how it built on your factors. This makes progress visible.

Write a short “Evolve” note: This month I learned… The sign I’m improving is… Next month I will…
Capture the Takeaway
Emotional resilience is not one thing. It is both a momentary practice and a long-term foundation. By pairing PAUSE as steps with PAUSE as factors, you learn to handle stress in real time and to build the supports, skills, and strengths that make resilience second nature.

Reflective Prompts to Try This Week

• When was the last time I used PAUSE to steady myself? What step made the difference?
• Looking at “I Have, I Can, I Am,” which factor feels strongest in my life right now? Which one needs attention?
• Where could I pause more often, even in small ways, to stop myself from reacting automatically?
• What evidence do I already have that I can handle tough moments?

Frequently Asked Questions
Do I need to use every PAUSE step every time?
No. Sometimes just one step — like pausing or acknowledging — is enough to break the cycle.

Is emotional resilience something you’re born with?
No. Research shows resilience is shaped by environment, practice, and support systems. It can be learned and strengthened at any age.

What if I forget to use PAUSE in the heat of the moment?
That’s normal. Each time you remember afterwards, reflect on what happened. Next time you’ll catch it earlier.

How long does it take to see change?
Many people notice small shifts within weeks. Long-term emotional resilience builds over months of practice.

Can PAUSE help with big crises, or just everyday stress?
Both. Everyday practice makes PAUSE a habit, so when larger challenges come, you already have the skill in place.